Getting closer to alignment is sending me wobbly.

I'm feeling off kilter today - there's a tingle in my stomach and an anxious feeling I just can't fathom.

I feel like an old fashioned metronome sitting on top of a piano, tick-tocking from side to side. 

I chose a word for 2013, a word I wanted to incorporate into my life. That word was Alignment.

To Align -  to come together in agreement or alliance.

I wanted to allow all I do to all come together in agreement, to  aligner, from à ligne ‘into line.’

For me, alignment is about everything that is meant to get into line, that's meant to be there.  Art, Healing, Writing.  Consequently, the other things I do, will become less prominent. 

So what is this off kilter feeling all about?

Today, I feel rushed and panicked and as if everything is spiralling out of control. 

There's something wobbly about today.

Is anyone else feeling this?

I have got a tonne of marking to do, which I'm feeling stressed about.  It's my main source of income and one that I am very grateful for, yet the deadlines every week are tough and I find that when they're released, I then worry am I going to get them done? I do them at all sorts of time of the day, trying to make sure I can get the bulk done.   Every day I wake up thinking I have 'statements to mark'.  It's the first thing that pops into my head.  They have to take priority, when my heart wants to create, draw, heal and write. 

Last night I revealed my etsy shop to the world. (well Facebook, at least!)

I woke up this morning to find that I have had two sales. I was so, so excited.

Today I cocked up on a drawing. I was so keen to be "Miss Perfect" that I smudged the face and had to start all over again when she was all ready and finished. 

So why the wobble? Surely I should be on cloud 9.

Sitting here this morning before I began anything, I wrote:-

"There's a part of me that's saying 'what the hell do you think you're doing? Don't you have enough to do? Having a shop. Pah! Who do you think you are?'

There's so much going on here.  

I'm getting closer to my authenticity and it's sending me into the wobbles.

The ego self is trying to pull me back down. 

Keep me safe.

I feel Scared and Excited

Hassled and Calm

In trying to work this out, I realise that I'm touching upon my hearts' desire

and yet I still have so much else to do that doesn't resonate with this hearts' desire.

But I have to do it.

What is going on?

I want to write yet I don't find time to write

I have a third book inside ready to come out

It has bubbled away for 3 years now.

Yet I don't seem to find this time.

Days merge into nights.

Work days merge into weekends.

There's no shut off time.

I find little time for exercise or getting outside.

Connecting with nature.

I see photos of beaches, skies and mountains

My heart yearns to be near them.

I eek out time for friends and family.

Yet it's not enough.

I stare at a screen for the most part of the day.

Dear Miss Julia

There is no solution right now.

You don't have to know the answers

You just have to let this out

Right here, right now

So you can wash it off

When you press 'Publish'

Surrender.

xxxx

PS now go play ♥

Painting in the Sunshine

I find if I am to paint then there's nothing quite having a block of time to spend, lost in colour.  I tend to have more than one painting on the go - sometimes I'll be finishing off one and I'll need to add some detail, perhaps another layer, then move on.  

This is how I spent my afternoon.  Today Will spent pretty much all day on the allotment and I de-camped and set up a table outside in the garden.  The sun was just gorgeous.  As a Leo, I love it.  So I took my little table, shlepped it outside, and then whatever paints I had at home.  I still have my studio over at my parents, tho' I find that I need to be more home based these days with work, clients etc... so I have to double up on art space.

I have been working on a commission and also finishing off my paintings so that I can make prints, and create some stock for my soon to be launched etsy shop.  Started making a design for my wedding invitation, which I thought would be a lovely Julesie thing to do.......More about this another time! 

I enjoyed being outside, catching the sun and deep in thought as I played with paint, colour, layers.   I have been reading my Kelly Rae Roberts book again which I just love and spent some time earlier going through her blog post timeline and how she started her art journey and where she is to this day.  It's inspiring and I must remember that it's possible for me too.  I'm doing quite alot of soul searching these past weeks about different aspects of my life.  Focusing on much journal writing, drawing and sketching, plus looking at how I can support my book coming out on 29th April.  Got to get my head round this and put some energy there in recording video.  Yikes!  

There's nothing quite like SunDrying!

My Muse and Painting Protector

Anyway I have found a great way to store my paints which was suggested by Melody Ross over at Brave Girls ... ingenious! I'll post that soon.

Happy Sundays 

and Mondays 

xxJulesxx