Thursday, 27 September 2012

My Lucy and The Squirrel's Message

I have held back from writing this blog post and in working out why, I realise that, to publish it, makes this post real and final.

I don't want that to be.  

But it is.

It has been such a heartbreaking time, as my lovely Lucy passed over on the 15th September.  It happened so quickly. Her health declined in one week, she was diagnosed with a dynamic heart murmur on Fri 7th September.

By Sat 15th she had gone.

It turned out that the murmur was not caused by heart disease but by tumours.  Now I look back and see that she had been dealing with the changes in her body and yet, there were no outward signs, up until Wed 5th when all night I was kept awake by her shallow breathing and I took her to an emergency vet as we were in Dorset.  On returning to Liverpool I took her for a second opinion to the Vet where I had taken her when she was a wee one, before the partners split and I made the choice to go with the other partner.  

Lucy was attacked by a Japanese Akita when she was 14 weeks old and ended up having surgery to remove a stomach tear.  I guess I am exceptionally lucky to have had my life with Lucy all these years when it could have been a whole different scenario.

I am getting some comfort from writing about Lucy - she was my child, we had gone through so much together, 14 years of joy - all joy.  I haven't been fortunate enough to have children in my life, Lucy was that baby and young child. She helped me through getting over my divorce, she moved with me everywhere, she made me get up in the morning, she came everywhere with me, my heart smiled when I was with her, and beamed when I knew I was going home to her.  I sang her my own little songs and had my own language with her.  She knew what I was saying and I knew what she was saying.  

We talked daily. 

We heard her each other.

I have never told anyone this.  

Not having her with me, physically, has blasted me open.

Since last June, when Lucy suffered from the Vestibular Attack, I have given her Reiki healing on a daily basis and the night before she passed, I spent all night with my hands gently placed in front of her, giving her Reiki and communicating with her. 

"I love you so much Lucy, it's alright if you need to go, Lucy"
"We've had such good times together, you'll always be in my heart"
"Let me know you're ok, come back and tell me?"

These past 2 weeks, I have written many words and cried lots of tears.  I know this will pass, I know that I will love another, but I won't love another Lucy because she was just uniquely cheeky and loving all wrapped up in an adorable furry package. 

Her dying is symbolic for a time in my life that has ended.  
It is symbolic for a new period in my life without her and what that means.
Losing her has reminded me of something, stirring within me.
Something I need to sit with for the next few weeks.

A week after Lucy passed, I left for work at 7.45, there's a tree outside our home on the wide paved area - Lucy loved this tree, we call it "Lucy's tree".  She always stopped here before we went anywhere else to do her wee, checking out the neighbourhood news.  

As I closed the front door behind me, a squirrel ran across the road and up the tree, about 3 feet, stopped, and looked at me, climbed up a little more, looked at me (I was standing sooooo still, looking at the squirrel) and then, with that, mr squirrel ran down the tree and back over the road.  

In the 6 and half years living here, there has never been a squirrel up that tree.


Ok, maybe I'm looking into this, but I feel that this is a sign that Lucy is ok, and somehow she wanted me to know that.  Lucy spent the majority of her life chasing squirrels, up trees. She never caught one, but she loved chasing them.  

All I had to say was

"Lucy, there's Cyril. Look!"

And she was off.

So Mr Squirrel had a message for me.  
Thank you Cyril.

L-R Lucy aged 3, 8, 9 & 11 

I have thousands of photos of Lucy of these past 14 years and these past 5, there's tonnes of video too... I love watching them, I feel close to her.  

I know this past year I have recorded so much more, because somewhere inside of me, I knew that our time was precious. 

I'll do something with them, if just for myself to go and meet with her, when I want to.

I have just found this of Lucy in May 2012.  We had a couple of beautiful weeks here in UK and I took Lucy somewhere she loved, Calderstones Park, it had a pond, and lots to explore.  Looking at her here, jumping on the tree logs, you wouldn't think there's something brewing.  But there was. 

A month after her Vestibular, her 13th birthday

The day before Lucy passed over, age 14 years 2 months.
You'll always be with me Lucy. This quote has meant alot to me recently:

"It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them.
And every new dog who comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart.
If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be dog, 
and I will become as generous and loving as they are."

Much Love
Jules xxxx

Monday, 3 September 2012

How I'm Ploughing On With My Wisdom Cards. Having a Melt Down And Moving Into My New Studio Space

It has been an Internet free zone round our place during August as our router faded out.  At first I was fine about it and welcomed the change, then ... it just got too much.  
I haven't blogged and felt very disconnected from webland.  It has been mighty strange.  

I started to look at things very differently.  I began to step back into my own inner self.  I began to read things I had written and looked at everything around me with a fresh pair of eyes.  

I began to start writing my Healing eBook; which will be available for download by the End of September (did you read that Jules? You just put that goal right out there and now you have to follow it through!)

I had a melt down about not having children and it has opened up the floodgates.  I'll share this with you soon.

Everything came back on 10 days ago and since then I have moved into my little studio space.  I spent some time in there today and it was so incredibly peaceful, even with the humming of the extractor fan from the Turkish restaurant next door.  

I felt serene and calm as I created and wrote.  

It feels like I am entering a new focused phase.  

I have a wonderful new BIG commission which is making me look at different ways of creating.  I'll reveal more of this too.

All is good.  All is well. 

With that in mind, here's my latest write up of my Wisdom Card.  

Please enjoy, sending much love to you 

All is Well 

Release the Negativity. Explore any resistance and relax in the knowledge that you are able to heal.   You have the power.  You can change the way you approach the situation you face.

Background to the card:

This card was inspired by Louise Hay, Author, Metaphysical Teacher and founder of Hay House.  I was first introduced to her book You Can Heal Your Life almost 24 years ago when I was ill with M.E/CFS (myalgic encephalomyelitis/chronic fatigue syndrome).  It was passed to me when I was in the depths of ill health. I was just embarking on my ‘back to health plan’, using a variety of complementary approaches and healing methods and when I read this book I realised immediately that it was going to accompany me to find my own way back.  I was transported into a metaphysical word that showed me I had the power.  I wasn’t waiting for one solution.  I was going to find many and use them all.   I devoured the book and used Louise’s morning and evening meditations – they helped me to learn to meditate and create a practice, it gave me extra courage to heal myself. 

The meaning behind the card:

If you picked this card today it is a reminder for you also that you can heal yourself.  Whatever is going on, perhaps a persistent long-term health problem, you can become your own investigator and learn some simple healing ways.  One of the lessons I learnt all those years ago was to tune out from negativity that is streamed from television, radio and even people in our lives. The first to go was late night news and radio.  I realised I didn’t want to tap into this negative drip-feed.  The world is not defined by bad news.  My world had to be optimistic and encouraging.  I had to see a way through this ill-health.  I wasn’t opting out, I was becoming more focused and directed about healing myself.  I tried everything you can name and settled on the therapies and practices that complemented my healing programme.
This card asks you to switch off from the negativity of your life.  Let it go.

Don’t tap into the drip feed of negativity.

The symbolism and colour of this card is very important.  The colour surrounding this beautiful woman is turquoise, once again representing the throat chakra and our communication centre, with the dragonfly placed here it signifies ‘Illusion’.  According to Sams and Carson, ‘the veil of negativity that we accept as our reality, is in fact, incorrect.  It may be time for you to break down the illusion you have held that restricts your actions or ideas.  Dragon fly asks you to seek out parts of you that need to change.” 

How to use this card:

This card asks of you to explore your resistance and relax in the knowledge that you are able to heal.   You have the power.  You can change the way you approach the situation you face.  Follow the image and place one hand over your naval area and one hand over your heart. Close your eyes and breathe through you nose for 7 seconds, then hold this breath for 7.  Exhale for a count of 7 through your mouth.  Really let go.  Then hold for another count of 7 and breathe in once again, counting 7 through the tips of your fingers.

Sit quietly, breathing in this way, for a round of 7.  Feel the gentle white speckles of white sunshine trickling over you, like a gentle shower of light bubbles.  Healing light bubbles, clearing negativity away from your body.   Know that you can do this at any time during you day.  Again and Again. 

This card is a reminder to do just that.

* * * * *

I'm creating a set of 44 Wisdom Cards and Book -  each card will be inspired by someone who has meant something to me, someone who has inspired me or taught me something.  They could be people I know, or people I don't know, living or passed over. They may be people I have seen from afar.  They may also be animals and elements from the planet around me.  They may also be from dreamtime and with symbolism that I can’t recognise.  What I know for sure is, it will all unfold.  If you'd like to read more about this project, click here

Much Love
Jules xxx

PS Text may change in final copy.

All photographs and text copyright of Julia Dolowicz 2012

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