Getting closer to alignment is sending me wobbly.

I'm feeling off kilter today - there's a tingle in my stomach and an anxious feeling I just can't fathom.

I feel like an old fashioned metronome sitting on top of a piano, tick-tocking from side to side. 

I chose a word for 2013, a word I wanted to incorporate into my life. That word was Alignment.

To Align -  to come together in agreement or alliance.

I wanted to allow all I do to all come together in agreement, to  aligner, from à ligne ‘into line.’

For me, alignment is about everything that is meant to get into line, that's meant to be there.  Art, Healing, Writing.  Consequently, the other things I do, will become less prominent. 

So what is this off kilter feeling all about?

Today, I feel rushed and panicked and as if everything is spiralling out of control. 

There's something wobbly about today.

Is anyone else feeling this?

I have got a tonne of marking to do, which I'm feeling stressed about.  It's my main source of income and one that I am very grateful for, yet the deadlines every week are tough and I find that when they're released, I then worry am I going to get them done? I do them at all sorts of time of the day, trying to make sure I can get the bulk done.   Every day I wake up thinking I have 'statements to mark'.  It's the first thing that pops into my head.  They have to take priority, when my heart wants to create, draw, heal and write. 

Last night I revealed my etsy shop to the world. (well Facebook, at least!)

I woke up this morning to find that I have had two sales. I was so, so excited.

Today I cocked up on a drawing. I was so keen to be "Miss Perfect" that I smudged the face and had to start all over again when she was all ready and finished. 

So why the wobble? Surely I should be on cloud 9.

Sitting here this morning before I began anything, I wrote:-

"There's a part of me that's saying 'what the hell do you think you're doing? Don't you have enough to do? Having a shop. Pah! Who do you think you are?'

There's so much going on here.  

I'm getting closer to my authenticity and it's sending me into the wobbles.

The ego self is trying to pull me back down. 

Keep me safe.

I feel Scared and Excited

Hassled and Calm

In trying to work this out, I realise that I'm touching upon my hearts' desire

and yet I still have so much else to do that doesn't resonate with this hearts' desire.

But I have to do it.

What is going on?

I want to write yet I don't find time to write

I have a third book inside ready to come out

It has bubbled away for 3 years now.

Yet I don't seem to find this time.

Days merge into nights.

Work days merge into weekends.

There's no shut off time.

I find little time for exercise or getting outside.

Connecting with nature.

I see photos of beaches, skies and mountains

My heart yearns to be near them.

I eek out time for friends and family.

Yet it's not enough.

I stare at a screen for the most part of the day.

Dear Miss Julia

There is no solution right now.

You don't have to know the answers

You just have to let this out

Right here, right now

So you can wash it off

When you press 'Publish'

Surrender.

xxxx

PS now go play ♥

"Old MacDonald Had a Farm" : My New Illustration!!

Back in December I posted a photo on Instagram of an illustration I had recently done and I received a message back from Pip who lives in France.  She was having a totally new kitchen   in her french farmhouse and really wanted something of them.  

Them?  Ok, so I initially thought it was 4 of them.  

Then it seemed there was, Humphrey and Maude, their two Bassett hounds, Ethel the miniature Daschund, Ralph (not quite sure if he is a Bassett cross) and there was Mary.  Mary is the beautiful grey dappled horse.  Oh and have I forgotten to tell you about Ruby the Greenwing Macaw.  

So here I was faced with 4 adults and their furry family. 10 in total.  I later found out that this was just a mere 5% of their family as they have so many animals that I wouldn't have been able to fit them on the paper! 

Sketch Number One with dogs needing changes!

I got straight into it and did an initial sketch which I sent to her.  She gave me access to her Facebook photos and there were just reams and reams of them.  It made me realise that I actually wanted to go and take photos of them all, including all of the animals because it's the little markings that are important. I'm not a portrait artist who does things exactly.  You guessed that right?!?! When you get my piece, it's my interpretation of you.  In a whimsical and soulful way.  

I realised that after sending this to her that the doggies weren't looking that great!!! They were indeed more squatter and had legs and feet that were crooked!  So I re-sketched and looked at the composition again.   This was better.  I always like to know what clothes you want to be dressed in, so made all the changes that were asked.

Sketch Number Two

Finished Illustration 

I have to be honest, I have never drawn a horse before so was a little anxious about this.  But Mary had such a presence in her photos that I loved drawing her. Obviously I wasn't going to draw all of her but the face is start. Yep!    I wondered if I could replicate the dogs and their little ways.  Using promarkers helps to add tone and depth but I needed something more.  So bring out the prisma colour pencils.  They were used to add detail and enhance the animal's features.  Then add in all my lovely pens and ink. 

I am really delighted with how this turned out and was excited to pack it off and send to them in France.  As I use a bleed proof paper, which is very thin, I was able to replace Humphrey and Maude at the centre, rather than at the end in the original sketch.  Having cut them out, I then backed this on to another piece of paper to give strength and enable them to mount and frame it.

I'm so excited to see where it will reside in their new french kitchen.

I'm going to be doing more of these so watch this space ♥

Much love

Jules xxx

Sharing Loran's Soul Portrait

When I began my drawings of the lovely women in Hannah Marcotti's Joy Up Group, I didn't know where this would lead me.  

My heartfelt wish and intention was to continue creating my portrait illustrations and I was still feeling like I needed to reconnect to my self through my art, I was still feeling so lost without Lucy and I just adored taking the photograph they gave me and intuitively responding to it.  

Loran very kindly said I could share the photo she gave me to draw her Soul Portrait and I am so excited to do so. When I saw her picture for the first time, I adored her glasses.  She also sent me an email telling me her love of purple and calla lilies asking if there was any way I could incorporate this into her Soul Portrait.  

Loran wrote to me to tell me how she felt when she saw her Soul Portrait

"I have been on pins and needles waiting for this and it is Wonderful! Thank you sooooo much. Love it!" She then later went on to write to me:-

"What came to mind when I saw my picture was Seth Godin's post on "Ridiculous is the new Remarkable." I think my glasses are silly but they are fun and light-hearted. One of my intentions for this year came from a message I received from the hummingbirds in my yard last summer - Lighten Up. So, when I had my professional photo shoot done in New York in September, I took my pompoms, tiara and glasses with me! I am loving being more playful and when I see my profile picture, that's what I am reminded to be.  My Soul Portrait reminds me to Lighten Up and that captures it all. It feels right". 

* * *

Thank you so much Loran for being the first reveal and for your lovely words.  I am in the process of going live with my Soul Portraits.  I'm stocking up and will be revealing all soon.  

Much love

Jules ♥♥